Learn to receive without false indebtedness.
Believe it or not, many of us who are givers have a hard time receiving- compliments, awards, help, nice gestures or gifts- without feeling the need to reciprocate or make it up to the person. It’s as if we keep an invisible scorecard and carry around false guilt until what we receive is paid back in full.
Why is this? It often stems from negative beliefs about receiving. “It’s selfish and greedy to want something for myself.” “I shouldn’t burden others with my struggles.” “True success is only achieved by overcoming challenges without anyone’s help.” “I shouldn’t ask for what I want unless it doesn’t adversely affect others or interfere with their own wants.”
Sound familiar? What we fail to understand is that by acting on these negative beliefs and not receiving graciously we rob the giver of the genuine happiness they feel for having done something nice for us.
If you’re an excellent giver, but struggle to receive, here are some ways to learn how to receive:
Recognize that you are enough just as you are, regardless of giving or receiving.
Give from the heart and not from the need to be liked, recognized or out of a perceived obligation.
Open yourself up to receiving, as awkward as it may feel. You are deserving!
Remember that by receiving you are bringing joy to the person giving, who sincerely wants to make you happy or make things easier for you. Simply give back by showing your appreciation and gratitude. There is no need for reciprocity.
Accept a compliment with a simple “thank you,” instead of discounting the person’s words aloud or in your head.
Practice receiving. Celebrate the small acts of kindness you receive and look for opportunities to thank people. The next time the produce clerk gets you jicama from the back of the store or helps you select the perfect watermelon, look him directly in the eyes, smile and say, “thank you, you’re the best.” When a colleague compliments your work on a Teams call, come off mute and say, “thanks, I really appreciate your recognizing my work.”
Lastly, don’t allow takers with ulterior motives to dominate your time. It is nearly impossible to receive from a taker. Instead, invest your time on relationships that flow from the good intentions of both people. When both people want what’s best for the other and act accordingly, there is no room for feelings of imposition or indebtedness. There is only peace and gratitude.