Establish and maintain healthy boundaries.

Establishing boundaries in your personal and professional life enables you to say “yes” to the people, situations and goals that serve you, your family and your company, and say “no” to the ones that don’t.  However, not all boundaries keep the good in and the bad out.

Rigid boundaries are too inflexible.  They keep others at a distance.  People with rigid boundaries tend to be standoffish or detached and are often protective of information.  They might be overly controlling, wanting to keep a project close to their chest with minimal help or solicitation of feedback.  They likely won’t go with the flow in social situations for the good of the group, but rather make sure their needs come first.

Loose boundaries are too permeable.  They can result in a person getting too involved with other people’s problems, having difficulty saying “no,” oversharing personal information and seeking to please others for fear of rejection, judgement, etc.  People with loose boundaries might have a hard time turning down work beyond their job responsibilities when they really don’t have the bandwidth to help.  They are likely to inconvenience themselves in order to be seen in a positive light.

Healthy boundaries provide the right amount of give and take. They allow a person to establish what behavior they will accept and what behavior others can expect of them.  People with healthy boundaries are selective about the people and situations they get involved with and share personal information appropriately.  They accept when others tell them “no,” and seek the same respect when they say “no.”  They may calendar out focus time or create office hours so as not to be interrupted in the middle of a project.  They most likely will stick to the rules they establish like not responding to texts after a certain time.

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is a form of self-care, just like eating healthy and exercising.  These boundaries protect your mental well-being and limit your exposure to unnecessary stress, the resulting production of adrenaline and cortisol by your body and the emotional and physical fatigue that follows.

It is important to communicate when your boundaries are being crossed.  If someone continually oversteps your boundaries, approach them in a non-confrontational way, explaining what behavior is not desirable and offering alternatives to preserve the relationship.  For instance, if someone constantly brings you down by complaining about their problems, you have a right to protect your own energy, let them know how it is affecting you and create distance in the relationship if necessary.

Setting boundaries takes practice, patience and a willingness to listen to your gut.  No one is perfect.  Just remember that boundaries are about protecting your peace, not about changing someone else.  If you consistently enforce your boundaries, you’ll create time and space for more of what you do want and less of what you don’t.