You have the right to not engage.
We are often pressured to weigh in on something, to judge a situation or take sides on an issue or in an argument. Here’s the thing. You don’t have to partake. That’s right. You have the right to no opinion. You can step back and simply choose not to engage.
Think of how much energy you save by not engaging in things that don’t matter to you. By choosing to not engage, you can instead focus your energy on things that do matter to you- the things that closely align with your values and goals.
It can be hard to say nothing if you are uncomfortable with silence. If this is you, practice sitting in silence with a friend you trust, and only speak when you have something meaningful to say or discuss. Over time, you’ll see how the awkwardness of silence dissipates.
Here are situations when it’s best to remain silent, and in some cases, walk away:
Important friendships or business relationships- avoid engaging in combat (verbal or text) on a particular issue if it has the potential to destroy the relationship, especially when it would otherwise have no bearing on the relationship. It’s simply not worth it.
Narcists and arguers- avoid engaging with people who just want to hear themselves talk or argue for the sake of arguing. Your words are meaningless to them and your efforts futile. Be silent and walk away.
Angry people- avoid engaging angry people, who often revel in such engagement. Instead, be silent, so that they have nothing to feed on and attack you with. Or better yet, respond to their anger with kindness. This will interrupt their “MO” (mode of operation) and flip the encounter on them entirely.
Oversharers- avoid engaging people who tend to overshare early in relationships. Let them know that you are just getting to know them and aren’t comfortable sharing very personal information.
Gossipers- avoid receiving or passing on gossip. Gossip is never a total reflection of the truth. Not only that, it demonstrates that you are an untrustworthy person.
One-uppers- avoid engaging people who struggle with letting other people have the spotlight. Sharing stories, perspectives and experiences shouldn’t be done in a competitive or invalidating way.
Liars- avoid engaging in the lies or games of others. Refuse to participate and walk away.
By not engaging and remaining silent, we prevent ourselves from becoming worn out emotionally and are better able to preserve our patience and tolerance of those who think differently than we do. Non-engagement enables us to watch, learn, see and understand from a neutral perspective without being judged and sucked into drama. Then, we can use our energy on what truly matters to us and choose where, when and how to engage to make a meaningful and lasting impact.